I tell you my hopes and dreams. A possible future for myself.
I hope for a shred of confidence. An excitement that would enter your voice.
But there's nothing.
I try to tell you my excitement and you respond like you're bored.
What's that? Was that a yawn? Maybe I'm just seeing things.
Stab one enters my flesh.
Maybe I'm over reacting. I'd like to tell you more but you've already indicated it's not important.
"yeah. maybe, depends." you say.
Right. I've got it. I know what you mean.
Maybe I should explain more but I know she's in one of her, not paying attention moods.
I tell my friends and they react with pleasure and delight,
but my spirits have already been dampened to a tiny flame.
It takes some time. I'm livened again but not to my full extent.
All I wanted was support from the people closest to me.
One half has already rejected.
My friends boost my confidence and the other half comes home.
Finally at the end of the night I decide to open my heart again.
I hesitantly coax myself to tell my interests.
Stab two enters my flesh.
"That's a lot of money"
"I heard of lots of jobs with the first thing you mentioned.. but what you want to be? I don't know. you're wasting your money"
"I just want to protect you"
I quickly pull back trying not to get wounded.
"Good night" I say.
Why can't you just be happy? Why can't you just give me support? A little joy or a wow that's pretty exciting. Let's help you reach your goal might be nice.
Are you trying to keep me at home? Maybe I should just leave without saying anything. At least then I could learn for myself if it doesn't work.
I'm not a stupid baby you know. I have been thinking about it. It's not like I don't over think everything anyway.
Why would I NOT think about this? Why would I willy nilly just choose some random no where job. Oh wait, that seems to be what I always choose according to you.
No where jobs that lead no where.
You can do hobbies....as hobbies...you can like stuff... by why don't you do something more practical... like... something you can get a job at.
Maybe it's you who crush my confidence so I think I'm a loser.
Get over it.
I don't know how. I've been trying to. I've been working for the past stupid year to try and 'get over it'.
Do me a favor. At least support me a little bit instead of stabbing me and saying that's the best thing for me.
But when it hurts, that's when you learn.
Gee thanks. I can't think of anything better either. Please. That's nice. Do that again. Oh what? you missed a vital organ. No, here, let me aim it. Right there. Perfect. Now you can do the most damage. Thanks. I really needed that. I feel better now. You've shown me the light of your wisdom.